I don't know if finding someone
is an option for me.
Like the bull in a china shop
I was meant to be
with no one.
Because I break them,
others' beautiful core -
no more I want to see red:
color of blood and love.
ExistenceI guess, I exist
the faint me
didn't enter all exits.
A bit less
my life's a mist
no need to flee
You've Gone Far EnoughHow many times have you tried, just to put me down,
The last time I remember, I was underground.
And even then I rose up, just to challenge the greats.
You might be thinking that your wins are all a part of your fate;
But it's not!
You're a little puppet in the game,
And when you try to take me out, you'll be feeling the strain!
I will be breathing down your neck and it's offense;
No nonsense. I am the Word of Chen, execution commence!
And now you're feeling the pressure, I'll make you suffer;
Your words try to cut me, but you're bleeding your brother!
You don't recognize that I'm the one who paved your way;
And now you're crying, sweating bullets, while you kneel and pray-
I don't find you. You're scared! Your soul is bared,
The only thing that makes us different is the fact that I cared!
But it don't matter now boy! You can laugh and smile,
Because the only thing left is to burn you in a Word of Chen style.
- Chennie, 21st October 2014
I Used To Have A ReasonI used to have a reason to do what I do,
Now it is just a habit I am trying to get through,
Meaningless motions, without emotions,
Trying to keep a clean conscience.
Embracing the darkness in the dim light,
I do not think I will sleep another night,
It is 4 AM, and there is no meaning,
To feel what I used to be feeling.
The pen slides through snow white paper,
It cuts it in two like a sharp saber,
But what is the point of doing this all
If It feels empty just like this Fall?
To fill the void I leave to fate,
There is no love, there is no hate
For times have changed.
Kimi ni todokeAs I was talking to the clouds I realized
We're under the same sky, but even so
It doesn't feel right yet to call this "closeness"
Within the vast feebleness of the horizon
Between my endless inquiring projections
Raises the moon, as ever tireless, silver goddess
Since you and I both are looking into
The same lucent iris, I leave it to her hands
To deliver this, my nocturnal message
My quill screeches in tune with my breathing
Transforming my thoughts into inked consequences
With informal beginning and clumsy first paragraph
But with dictionaries and poetry nearby
I still can't find the words to properly say "hi"
So between the H and the I the moon somewhen went away
Leaving room for the sun to shine unhindered
And probe over my shoulder, only to retreat scared
Of the frowning purple from under my eyes
Just a DreamA week after he turn twenty three
My fairy tale story had ended
The temporarily fantasy was over
He was perfect
Loved ones approved of him
I thought he was it
I never doubted him
No more tears
No more hiding
No more lies
But all was suddenly taken away from me
He stopped being there
No given reason
I shrugged it off easy
My mind said let it go
But my heart says suspicious
He then didn't come
How could this happened?
What did I do?
I said too much?
Did he not believe in us anymore?
He's not coming home
This can't be happening to me
For this is just a dream
The Weepings of the PhoenixI can't think of many times
That I've cried so much.
When feelings won't turn to rhymes
And from reality, I'm losing touch.
Sobbing and lying in my weepings,
Praying to a God that I don't believe in.
When these hands they tug
Towards the River Styx.
My resolve like concrete I hug
But a wolf can break into a house of bricks.
This poor piggy sits alone
And waits to just be eaten.
I fell to my knees to fear The Lord
And appease his pope.
But my heart he won't come aboard
And I'm losing hope.
Only have a sail full of holes
And life in Sargasso ain't too breezy.
So we sing of,
So we burn down.
So we sing of
As it all,
Trying to burn away my pains
With these hands of ash.
But my head went up in flames
And my brain turned to mash.
Sitting back to the door,
Shirt up, and skin kissing metal.
The only peace I can find
Is with her and sleep.
I can't escape this flame
For it burns internal.
So we sing of,
So we burn down.
So we sing o
how do they even dareI can’t see
Why they say
They are so goddamn scarred.
“I look like a model.
But nobody sees the duct tape heart behind my beauty”
What does your otherness have to do
With your defaults.
Oh, so you are slaves to your appearance?
Tell that someone who is too tall.
Too heavy. Too. Fucking. Small.
Or just born as plain and ugly.
Tell that someone who wasn’t accepted by
Our oh-so-social society because of his looks.
And then explain to me
That you didn’t feel stupid.
You’re not pretty.
You’re just ignorant.
I moved.I remember the day he died so clearly in my head.
I was on the phone to my friend and i could hear my mother shouting,
"This isn't right."
"This can't be right."
"Tell me it's not true."
Then the screaming came,
and i felt my stomach drop, something was wrong.
But when i stepped outside,
Everything was fine.
The sun was still shining,
wind still blowing.
Then those words,
Thats all i heard over the screaming and the crying and suddenly it wasn't so perfect,
I couldn't hear,
I couldn't breathe,
i could barely see.
Yet i moved.
I moved to comfort my mother whose screams i could no longer hear,
because she didn't need me.
She needed him.
We all did.
We all do.
And although my legs still shake and my eyes are stained with black rings.
I still move,
And i still see.
Ever since that day,
despite what they said and what they told me,
I never stopped moving
My HomeYou walk in the front door, and the first thing you notice is that my home is a mess. Stuff is strewn about everywhere, nothing is put away. But this isn’t just the mess of carelessness, no, there’s a reason it looks ransacked. Looking around, you see that reason.
There are no closets in my home.
The front door had “shy,” “awkward” and “introvert” written all over it, but the doorbell proudly announced “nice guy” with a footnote specifying “not that kind of nice guy.”
In the main room you see “childlike,” “daydreamer,” and “gamer” scattered all over the floor, shelves stuffed full of “bookworm.” A huge box overflows with “collector” and the occasional “hoarder.”
The kitchen has “wants to cook” shelved right next to “can’t cook.” The “out-of-shape” in the fridge has gone bad but I haven’t th
Who am I?Me?
I am a nobody.
Just another voice in the distance,
A figure in the shadowy corner that is my life.
I am a time bomb,
On which my timer resets at random.
Never quite on track with the rest of the world always three steps behind,
I can't take it!
This is not worth my effort,
My writing, my singing, composing, what have you,
Its all pointless.
No one will ever see or know the inner workings of my mind.
The cogs that turn and create the genius that I like to think of myself,
Knowing I'm only average at most,
Barely worth the air that I breathe.
I'm so lost.
I just don't know how or why or what to do
I can't even begin to fathom the complexities that make up the human psyche
Forcing these words from my mouth and these emotions,
These emotions that ignite a flame within me that is burning my lungs and esophagus like poison!
Poison, of my own creation.
That I chose to drink.
What is wrong with me?
Why can't I just escape from it all?
Let the past die?
I'm not even good for my